October 7, 2018. 7 years ago today I left India, so weak I struggled to even board a plane to Bangkok while keeping my possessions together. Passport, wallet, phone, backpack, carryon, passport, wallet, phone, backpack, carryon was my mantra until I was safely and all together in a hotel near the hospital. My body had given all it had to give and so it just quit giving. I would spend 2 months in Thailand on medical leave. I was told not to do ANYTHING for more than 10 minutes without taking a rest. During that time I saw doctors, got counseling, relearned how to open a door with a key and how to get toothpaste out of the tube and onto my toothbrush. I would have been scared but I sensed that my mental state was not permanent so I chuckled, and indeed that part passed quickly On December 8, Katie and Roy brought me home to the US. I was too weak to fly alone.
Pema, my precious golden doodle, was born just in time to greet me in Oklahoma. She was an angel sent by God to walk this long journey of recovery by my side. She has been my constant companion; I don’t know what I would have done without her. After 2 years in Oklahoma, Michael came and helped me get home to Alaska.
I thought my recovery might take a year. It has been 7. I am so so much stronger now than then but I am still not there. My progress has however been steady. Not long ago if I overextended it would take me a week, or 3, to recover. I can now be busy 2-3 hours in a day and if I overextend it only takes me a day or so to recuperate.
What God has done in me during these 7 years has been incredible and I am so grateful for this ‘sabbatical’ time, tough as it has been. Through resources such as School of Kingdom Living and many podcasts and books and sermons He has taught me about being spiritually formed into the Image of Christ. I am not there yet. Those who know me might not see much outward change yet but true change has to come from the inside and the Holy Spirit has done much work there. I have learned that being holy is not accomplished by gritting my teeth and trying harder to be and to do good. It is accomplished by resting in God and letting His Spirit do that work in me. I have learned that God is not impressed by all the things I accomplish by working my fingers to the bone for Him, as important as some of that may be. I have learned that He is filled with joy when I take time to sit quietly with Him, when I notice the wonder of His creation, when I am kind and loving to those He created to bear His Image, and in my being who He created me to be. I am still in the process of being formed into His Image and will always be as long as I am in this fleshly body, but I will steadily keep moving toward that goal. There are a couple of tough things He is working in me that I am conscious of at this time. Humility—I have always considered myself the helper and the giver; it is very hard to learn to receive and to be helped. Contentment—I have never been content with who I am and who I am not, with what I can and cannot do, where I am and where I cannot be, with what I have and do not have, what I do and do not accomplish, and on and on. But by God’s Spirit working in me progress is coming. Hopefully soon some of it will begin to manifest on the outside. 🙂
Lately I have been sensing a new restlessness. I am not sure yet if that is just part of the journey toward learning contentment or if it is a sign that God is going to “renew my strength like the eagle’s” so I will be able to fill my days in a different way than now. Either way, I will rest in the confidence that, as He always has been, God is good and His steadfast love for me will never fail. And so for now I rest in His love on this 7-year anniversary and I rejoice and give Him thanks for all that He has and still is doing in me. And I revel in the knowledge that all He really wants of me is to rejoice in the goodness of His presence with me and His great love for me. He is my good and faithful Father, Savior, Comforter who holds me steadfastly in the palm of His Great Hand.
“And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.”
2 Corinthians 3:18 ESV
Coffee, Tea, and Reverie 